I started skiing before I could walk properly.
My parents were on the Canadian Ski Patrol and worked every weekend in the winter - I was on skis before I could walk properly.
By the time I was a young teenager I was being told I was one of the best skiers in the region, but when it came time to compete, I always let myself down. I'd wipe out or ski off the course out of control. I was very very good [in practice] but couldn't control my emotions. I couldn't control my mind. (Remember, the mind navigates the body.)
Of course, this affected my confidence going into the next race and the next.
Sound familiar? Negative thoughts compound themselves until our self-talk is also negative.
Years later, while developing the KNOW FEAR® program, I was introspecting about my competitive ski experience and realized I was always thinking:
"If I'm so good, why am I so scared."
It was the simplicity of that sentence that got me. I’m scared. I had never really said it to myself. Or to my parents or coaches.
Then I realized that no one talks about fear in a tangible way - certainly not back in the ’60s & ’70s. But even today, talks surrounding fear are still very much about the nervous system, (arousal) fight/flight/freeze lectures or pedantic, such as “You have an overactive amygdala.” Or they get esoteric like “fear is not real, it’s only in your mind” and so on.
IMO, none of these explanations helps me, you, the ‘end-user’ manage fear in the moment. Whether that’s a test at school, asking someone on a date, making a career choice, a relationship decision, or managing violence.
Fear is very real.
Fear ruined my ski career.
Fear wasted time, the only resource we cannot regenerate!
In general…
Fear often prevents us from asking for help.
Fear generates stress, cortisol production, worry, doubt, hesitation, procrastination, and much more.
Psychological fear is very real and we are on a quest to fix that.
Our KNOW FEAR NOW mission is about helping people change their relationship with fear and then making sure we pass that on to our children, family, and friends.
CHILDREN FIRST
Why the kids?
Frankly, we owe it to them.
Look at the state of the world right now. At no time in our history has there been so much fear. Fear is being weaponized like a virus. We need to train to control and beat it. We’re familiar with physical fitness, but many of us don’t think about mental fitness, which is our version of the immune system for this disease.
And as important and relevant as fear management is today, I can tell you, thinking back 50+ years, that I never had a single conversation about fear with either of my parents.
They never discussed how fear would affect me socially, in school with tests, competing in athletics, or dating. It was never discussed for career choices. When I’d drop the ball, procrastinate, or get in trouble, there were zero talks on the root of the problem, which I can now tell you had a lot to do with psychological fear.
Had someone explained to me as a kid, in a way I understood, that “fear is natural and should be expected (depending on the circumstances), and now that you know, you can apply this simple and effective way to re-think fear, learn to use fear, even learn from it…” I assure you my life would’ve been very different.
👉 And unless you’re a Unicorn, I bet yours would’ve been different too.
Think about how much time we’ve all wasted worrying about things that didn’t matter and usually never happened.
Imagine if you grew up learning that fear is natural, fear is normal, fear is part of our psychological and physiological systems.
If you had that insight, you would pass that on to your kids, family, friends, and colleagues. And if you were a coach, teacher, or mentor, you would share that too.
Imagine if we had been taught to look at fear with curiosity, taught to use fear to help navigate the rollercoaster ride of life?
Well, we don’t need to imagine anymore. I spent decades demystifying it for myself and my students. (The evolution and origin of this program are pure and organic as it evolved from studying violence. And there’s no more realistic situation where managing fear is needed than during sudden violence.)
Here’s what I learned studying violence and fear:
Must work NOW. We needed a program that is simple to understand and simple to apply.
Must work from inside. We don’t always have time to ask a coach, we need to be able to inspire ourselves. So we need a system that helps us understand what fear is doing to our minds and how it's impacting our confidence, self-esteem, and self-talk.
Reframe 1: Instinctive fear is hardwired. At a survival level, we are supposed to feel fear when we're near danger.
Reframe 2: Psychological fear is imagined fear. It’s not real until you invest in its story. At a psychological level, we feel fear when we imagine danger.
The distinction between the last two bullets is profound. How you handle stress, conflict, and confrontations, can likely be traced back to things you learned or believed as a kid.
(And if you’re a parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent, this programming is happening to your kid right now.)
We Can Change The Future
How we think affects how we feel.
How we feel affects how we think.
Both influence how and WHEN we move.
When you can preempt a fear loop that will take your mind hostage, you are changing your immediate future.
Imagine if all of us were taught to embrace fear vs run from it or be consumed by it?
You can by leaning into fear and asking the right questions. Of course, a map would help you navigate it faster and that’s why we created the CYCLE OF BEHAVIOR.
When we develop the courage to ask the question: Why am I afraid right now? An entirely new world opens up. And that's the magic of the KNOW FEAR program.
BTW, this isn’t some new age, hocus pocus, wave a magic wand system…
It's a program that reframes fear in a way that 'fear' becomes our guide.
When we change our relationship with fear we change our minds - when we change our minds, we change our behavior.
It's that simple.
But we all need a new way to look at fear.
Ironically, as counterintuitive as this is, we cannot be afraid of fear even though that's what fear is designed to do - to make us afraid! At least that's its reputation. 😉 But when you shine a light on fear, its fierce grip slowly loosens.
Remember when I told you there were two types of fear?
Think about it like this, external trigger (perceived danger) and internal trigger (imagined danger).
Guess what? They are all real to the person experiencing it.
Telling your child there are no monsters under their bed and they need to go to sleep now doesn't change their reality.
Any type of danger, perceived or actual, will trigger a fear spike in the body and the mind.
This is natural and therefore normal.
But here's where many of us falter as good humans. We take that fear spike and turn it into a story in our minds.
Then we fixate on it.
This is called ‘worry’. And we all do it.
We are visualizing a negative event in the future that is holding us back in the present.
I often use the acronym F.E.A.R. to help explain this: False Expectations Appearing Real.
If you had a tool and a system to change this narrative, imagine how much more control and power you would have?
The KNOW FEAR program will help you learn how to identify when you are fixating on the fear loop, wasting time, or wasting energy instead of taking action.
The program is very simple to learn and even easier to apply.
It teaches you how to look at any psychological fear, plug it into the system, and begin to dissect the problem.
It's like having access to a map of your mind so you don't get lost in your thoughts.
You become your own coach, independent, more confident, and more resilient.
But most importantly, as a parent, by proxy, you become your child's coach and you now teach your children how to look at fear. Then, in time, they become their own coach and their lives will be different.
Check this letter out
“I thought I’d pass onto you the most valuable thing I’ve gotten from my distance learning from PDR anyway. Not surprisingly, if you remember me at all, it’s the audio tape on dealing with fear. It’s been years, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much of an impact your material had on my kids, filtered in an age-appropriate way through me. My daughter is going into her senior year in college, and my son is about to be a freshman. It must be over 10 years ago now that I ordered your material and communicated with you to help me help Elizabeth deal with a variety of fears in her life. Both she and my son have really absorbed a great deal about responding to fear from your teaching; my daughter has been growing in self-confidence, traveling the world (including a 6 month stay in China), and while staying safe has utter fearlessness in confronting challenges and potentially stressful situations. My son has pushed his way to completing his eagle scout, has dealt with several outward-bound type programs that were deliberately designed to stretch him, and has come through those with flying colors—again, due to no small measure to your instruction laying a foundation for dealing with fear.
I’ve benefited as well, of course, but I find myself particularly grateful for the very practical ways you have helped my kids to cope and to develop skills in dealing with life that I wish I had the opportunity to learn at their age."
-Glenn Sunshine
When I received this email I was blown away. I didn’t know Glenn and had never met his kids, but this father just told me our program helped him as a parent! And helped his kids evolve with great confidence. (I actually called Glenn and interviewed him for my KNOW FEAR podcast - listen here.)
Friend, self-awareness is everything in life. Without it, we will always be vulnerable to outside forces or be influenced by peer pressure, social media, and all its propaganda. Learning to manage fear matures self-awareness.
Believe me, if someone had taught me this when I was 10 years old…. it would've changed so many experiences for me. Whatever measure of success I have created, I would've experienced it minus much of the worry, stress, and duress as most of it was self-generated.
Would I Do It Differently Given The Chance?
That’s a tough one because I don’t believe I’d have created this without the challenges and without the fear! I'm grateful that my decades of soul searching, struggles, and questioning have resulted in a program that really works and makes a difference and I invite you (implore you) to pass this knowledge and skill on to your family.
Let me leave you with what might be the greatest testimonial I’ve ever received, one that brought tears to my eyes, this is a letter from a 10-year-old boy named Salem.
His father, Aaron, noticed his son’s confidence was changing and called me to ask if the KNOW FEAR program was age appropriate.
I told him this:
“Aaron I don't know Salem, or how mature he is, but I do know this, you are his dad, his coach, his mentor, and guess what? The program is age appropriate for you - YOU need to do it, then lead him, coach him, show him — select the sections you feel are relevant and meaningful to your son.”
I received this after about a month of them doing the work.
I’m going to be fully transparent to you. As I read this my eyes teared up. This wasn’t just about Salem learning strategies to manage fear. At that moment I also realized that Aaron and Salem’s relationship had changed too. (If you listen to my podcasts you know this is very real for me and I talk about their story often!)
Fear affects all of us, even if we don’t notice it. In some scenarios, fear is what keeps us alive, but if you have trouble separating the physiology of fear from the psychology of fear, it can have negative, even detrimental, effects on behavior and confidence. If you want to develop this skill and pass it on as these two parents did, I invite you to become part of our community.
Here’s how to start:
If you haven't done the KNOW FEAR course, invest in it.
If you haven’t read MAKING FRIENDS WITH FEAR read it, it’ll take 10 minutes - it’s only 9 pages! [People tease me about how short it is, but I always remind them it took me 40 years of studying fear to be able to create this 9-page eBook! And if it were 200 pages you probably wouldn’t finish it!]
Anyhow if you haven’t read it yet, grab it now: MAKING FRIENDS WITH FEAR…
The link will also allow you to enroll in my online KNOW FEAR program at a special discounted rate. (Be sure to snoop around and read the other testimonials, the potential impact it could have on you, your loved ones, and friends is immeasurable.)
If you’re reading this, you know my background.
You know I’m trusted to teach and train professional warriors around the world. And during the 30+ years I’ve trained military and law enforcement, I’ve created hundreds of tactical courses over the years — the KNOW FEAR program is my most important. Why? Because only the people who manage their fear manage to fight.
If any of this resonated with you, let me help you make friends with fear.
Coach Blauer
Please share this article with someone you know who is struggling with self-confidence, self-esteem, or procrastination.
Resources:
Making Friends With Fear - Click Here
One on One with Me - Click Here
Bring me or my team to your family, or organization - Click Here
Thank you for sharing your wisdom learned from much thought and painful lessons.
Thank you very much 🙏🤙